August 20, (THEWILL) — Lagos came alive on Thursday afternoon as family, friends, and colleagues gathered for the public presentation of ‘The Pleasure Manual’, a new book by clinical psychologist, Dr Pamela Udoka. The launch, which also coincided with the birthday celebration of her husband, Associate Professor Arnold Udoka, was more than just a literary event; it was a call to confront the quiet crises tearing Nigerian homes apart.
The afternoon began with a cultural troupe performance that set the tone for the celebration. Five instrumentalists and three female dancers, accompanied by a masquerade, who later appeared on stage, thrilled the audience with an energetic display that blended tradition with festivity.
The book, described by its author as a culturally relevant guide to intimacy and marital sex life, aims to help couples reconnect, rebuild desire, and heal relationships strained by unspoken conflicts. For Dr Udoka, the inspiration behind the book goes beyond academic curiosity. It is rooted in more than two decades of clinical practice, research, and direct encounters with couples struggling to hold their marriages together.
Speaking with emotion, the author described the project as a personal journey. “Today, I am dancing in my soul. Those whispers have given birth to a book. I didn’t choose the subject; the subject chose me.
“During the process of obtaining a Master of Philosophy degree in clinical psychology, I developed a vital conflict inventory for assessing marital conflict. It revealed the top three causes to be communication patterns, third-party interference, and sexual dissatisfaction. I went on to carry out an intervention to confirm the efficacy of therapy on these issues, and that research, coupled with my professional practice, earned me a Doctor of Philosophy in clinical psychology”, she said.
Her findings, she stressed, are not abstract theories but realities she has encountered repeatedly in practice. At the Family Wellness Director Inquiry Office, she disclosed, between August 2023 and July 2025, 41 percent of clients requested sex therapy services, while 16.9 percent sought help with marital conflict resolution. “That means almost six out of ten clients were seeking help for intimacy and relationships”, she noted.
The testimonies she shared at the launch were stark. “I have seen couples in tears and pain. I have seen couples who love each other dearly, yet have not been intimate in years. The truth is, it is never about sex; it is about self, identity, mindset, information, communication, safety, and love. When we ignore these values, the consequences are devastating. We see anxiety, depression, infidelity, separation, dysfunctional homes, divorces, and abandoned innocent and helpless children who did not bring themselves into this world, but were brought into it by the same secret and mysterious activity that we all pretend not to know about”, she added.
She was quick to clarify, however, that her book was not written to sensationalise or trivialise intimacy. “I wrote The Pleasure Manual not as bedroom gossip, but as a practical, shame-free, culturally relevant guide to help couples reconnect, rebuild desire, and heal. Today’s event is not just a book launch. It is a movement. A movement towards building the Family Wellness Therapy Centre as a safe professional space where therapy is not a privilege for the few who can access it but a lifeline for many. You are not just here to launch a book; you are here to fulfil silent prayers. You are here to build a legacy.”
One of the highlights of the afternoon was the review of the book by journalist and public commentator, Dr Reuben Abati, who commended both the quality of writing and the courage to take on such a delicate subject in Nigeria’s conservative society. “In this book, Dr Pamela Udoka provides a master class on the art of sexual intimacy. The step-by-step guidance she offers is reminiscent of similar instructional books on writing, cooking, or vision. Those who have experienced one form of complication or intimidation in this area should find the book relatable and easy to digest.”
He, however, noted that given its subject matter, the book should be handled with care. “The copies of the book, which are rated 18+, must be kept out of reach of children and adolescents. The text deliberately emphasises the phrase ‘consenting hours’, which is a tantalising term in itself. It remains to be seen how this book, upon its appearance on bookshelves, can be kept out of the reach of inquisitive adolescents, who, these days, seem more active in the world of sexual intimacy than their grandparents ever were.”
Despite this caution, Abati strongly endorsed the work, stressing its potential social impact. “There is no doubt that this book treats a living subject and provides useful insights into how, overall, the quality of life in society can be improved”, he said.
The afternoon ended with tributes to both the author and her husband, as guests mingled, exchanged reflections, and purchased copies of the book. For many in attendance, The Pleasure Manual was not just another publication; it was a needed intervention at a time when family crises are rising.
As one guest remarked while leaving the hall, “This book is a bold step. Nigerians need to talk about these things openly. We can no longer pretend.”
Janefrances Ebere Chibuzor is a Tourism Writer at THEWILL
