As the dust gradually settles after the famed disqualification of Erica (full name: Nlewedim Ngozi Erica) from the on-going BBNaija show, there is little doubt that not a few followers of the show have gone away with some perceptions (mostly unsavoury, I believe) of her personality. Those perceptions were fueled generally by her conduct in the house and specifically by the direct action that led to her disqualification – a long session of invectives, laden with threats, poured on another housemate called Laycon.
Perhaps, you are one of those who have conclusively labelled the young lady as the modern-day Fali Werepe. Why not let’s together undertake a less-than-obvious look into her journey in the house, so that we can together have a broader understanding of the motivations that must have informed her overall performance in the house.
At various times, she recounted to her fellow housemates how she had grown up without enjoying the full breath of love from people around her – not even from her parents. She was an only child raised by a single mother. So, she grew up as a loner – having to ride through the storms of life without any significant emotional support from anybody. That is one lack for which she has searched for a solution all her life, it would seem.
Going into the Big Brother house, she apparently expected to find a partner that would supply her the much-needed solace. In Laycon, she found a brilliant guy who could supply her badly-needed emotional need – love, with a large dose of intellectual prowess but without the looks that sufficiently complement her pristine beauty. But, she also found a Kiddwaya who has all the looks and of course a rich background – but whose sincerity she initially wasn’t sure of.
She met Laycon first and then Kiddwaya. At some point, she was torn between the two – unsure of where to turn. She thought of keeping both, but later had to settle for Kiddwaya who deployed all manner of techniques to win her over to his side. It was an experience typical of the cheetah-versus-lion phenomenon – the cheetah kills a game that can be snatched, without any serious resistance, by the lion at any time. That was how the relationship christened #KiddRica on social media came into existence.
Laycon became embittered, but could not keep her name off his head and mouth. He was always thinking and talking about her to some of the other housemates. After coming under occasional tongue-lashing and jokes by some of his friends in the house, including the famous ‘binding and casting’ prayer by Vee, Laycon was compelled to move on – as he now found happiness in the company of his friends (particularly Prince, Neo and Vee). Of course, Vee remains the biggest influence in that moving-on project.
Meanwhile, things were unravelling fast in Erica’s relationship with Kiddwaya. As she got more intimate with Kiddwaya, it became increasingly clear to her that she seemed to have made a quite poor choice. Unable to stomach the fear and the frustration that had welled up inside her, she spoke to a number of house mates, including Laycon, detailing her concerns. In one instance, she told Trikytee and Prince of how Kiddwaya never discussed any serious issue other than sex with her. In another instance, she told Laycon point-blank that she felt she had made a bad choice settling for Kiddwaya over him. In those occasions, both Laycon and the pair of Trikytee and Prince simply offered pieces of advice that were more theoretical than pragmatic.
Still on the hunt for a disentanglement from her seeming quagmire, she confronted Kiddwaya directly. One night, in a lengthy conversation, she asked him if there was any hope for their relationship beyond the house. Springing forth a river of non-committal rhetoric, he told her that he can’t guarantee what would happen outside the house. That statement visibly drove a huge wedge through her heart. He simply threw her world into a ruckus!
As they say, that encounter was the final straw. To her, she had lost everything, in full glare of the public. Her anger seemed accentuated by the fact that her ‘first love’ in the same house, under the same roof, whom she had rejected, seemed to be having much fun in the company of other housemates, including even her ‘preferred love’ (Kiddwaya). So, Laycon became the low-hanging fruit for her acidic purgation – citing a ‘you-tried-to-kiss-me’ claim Laycon had made about her days earlier.
The point of this treatise is that Erica is not the picture painted of her in the show. Just like everyone else, she was driven by a latent need – in this case the search for true love – but was betrayed by her choice. With a tinge of regret, she had declared one night that her friends outside, seeing everything that had transpired about her, would have been slapping her through the screen. This is a crystal clear confession of her missteps.
I know that you want to argue that she could have managed it better, but that is exactly what we all experience at different times of our lives. Our applications to challenges do not always provide the desired result, so her case should not be an exception.
What Erica needs from all of us, particularly from people close to her, is love – lots of it – not pillory. She told us clearly that she wants to be loved, an admission that takes great courage to express in front of the camera. That should be the singular take-away from our reading of her experience in the Big Brother house, not the isolated actions that had a bold imprint of human distractions. She has reached out for a helping hand, are you willing and ready to respond with kindness in full measure?
*** Dare Okuntilu writes from Lagos and can be reached through darenteen@yahoo.com
