Helping Women Most Rewarding Thing I’ve Done – Stephanie Coker-Aderinokun

November 07, (THEWILL) – TV presenter and actress, Stephanie Coker-Aderinokun, opens up on her career, motherhood, her marriage and current project, a podcast titled Hook me up with Stephanie Coker, in this interview with IVORY UKONU

You recently joined the league of podcasts owners. What is yours all about?

It is basically about relationships, marriage and hooking people up literally. So Hook me up with Stephanie Coker is more or less like having an ‘agony aunt’ to whom you tell all your issues. Then a guest and I will talk about these issues and try to help out. There is a segment where people call in, seeking my help to find love. That is pretty much the premise of the podcast.

What inspired it?

I have always loved dating shows. I recorded a dating show about five years ago, but I never aired it. Since then, I have always felt like I need to do this. Besides, I am really big on love, happiness and marriage. I just think that everyone deserves love. So, in my own way, I have been hooking people up. I even hook people up in my day-to-day life and I have hooked many of my husband’s friends up.

Really?

Yeah

Did it work out?

Yeah! I mean, I have got people whom I hooked them up with and they are still together. Some are still in the talking stage. None of them has, however, led to marriage yet, but we are working on it.

How long has this been in the making?

During the pandemic, I began an Instagram live session where I was helping people out and they really loved it and wanted me to continue. So, I found another way to do this that is more seamless because Instagram live can be a bit clumsy. The podcast started in September. I wanted something that would be episodic so that people could go back and watch it, but the dating show started six years ago.

Did you meet your husband this way? 

I met my husband in real life, here in Nigeria, in person, the old fashioned way. I met him at a restaurant and lounge in the Lekki area of Lagos. The place is by the water. Some people were even saying I had mermaid spirit for meeting him there. I hope not, but I met him there. I have met some other cool people in some other places in Victoria Island. I will not mention their names. Also I met someone else in Café Royale. So this is free information on the location to meet a possible significant other.

Will you be mentioning strategic places to meet people in your podcast?

I don’t think so.

Would you have liked it if you were hooked up with your husband in the first place?

I wouldn’t mind if someone introduced me to someone. I feel like all the people I have dated in the past, I met them myself. I feel like we are always meeting somewhere. Maybe it’s due to the places I stayed or went to.

Do you hope to transition to a talk show?

Yes, that’s my main aim, but I am still working on that and the show will be a weekly one. It’s a visual podcast, not just audio.

You mentioned earlier about talking to entertainers. Why entertainers and not regular people?

The guests will be in entertainment, but the people that discuss issues are regular people. So for now we just have entertainers come on the show and give their opinions and advice and share their stories. There is one episode in which a popular actress told us how her friend was sleeping with her boyfriend. Her boyfriend cheated on her with her friend.

Your acting career is on fire now, with appearances in Toyin Abraham’s The Fate of Alakada, The Wedding Planner and King of Boys 2. What determines the kind of movie you feature in?

I am quite choosy when it comes to the movies I feature in. I really just want to stick to movies that are organised and not very large, you know, not like ‘oh come on set and just do this character.’ I really want to absorb the character, even if it’s like a two-minute scene. I really want to be able to do that.

 

Not many people know you started off your career on radio

Yeah, I actually started on radio. When I moved to Nigeria I started with Cool FM, stayed with them a couple of months. Then I was with MTV for five years. During that time, EbonyLife TV started. I joined EbonyLife TV, too. I was the first presenter on EbonyLife TV because I was the co-host during Mo Abudu’s search for presenters. I did their first reality show with two other females. Cameras were following us around. I hosted the Wardrobe Diary on EbonyLife TV as well. I also hosted a couple of big shows on EbonyLife TV. I was also on Tinsel at that time as well. I was working on every single network and people would ask me how I was able to do that. I was on EbonyLife TV, MTV, Africa Magic Plus and Tinsel, all at the same time. And then I got to co-host The Voice season 1 and 2. I was still with MTV when I was doing that and most recently, in season 3 as the host of the Red Room

How do you juggle all of this?

I am used to it and I like to think of myself as someone who can multi-task. But juggling between motherhood and work gives you this ‘Mom guilt.’ Whenever you leave the house you just feel guilty. But I am happy that my daughter is in school now so that gives me more room to juggle.

You said you had her through in-vitro fertilisation. Why did you feel the need to reveal that?

My mom actually told me not to talk about it. Most people who go through IVF do not like to talk about it because they feel it’s like a stigma and people are going to look at you differently.

You were married for only three years and then you tried IVF

Yes.

Why?

Well, for a couple of reasons. But the main one was that I felt like I was wasting time. So I just thought if there’s a quick solution to something, as opposed to the whole process of trying and trying, why not give it a trial. What happened was that I developed ovarian hyper-stimulation syndrome, which is a situation where your ovaries hyper stimulate, and I got really sick. It was really bad and life threatening. I was in the hospital and I was on anesthesia every day because they were trying to drain liquids out of me after the egg retrieval to make embryos. I got really sick and felt like I was actually done. Besides, other things were going on. A lot of young people do it, although they just don’t talk about it because of what other people may say. People are too quick to jump into conclusion; they don’t usually think it might be due to genetic or medical issues.

I guess that is the more reason why people should talk about it

Exactly. But you know the older generation feels like they don’t need to tell other people what is going on inside so they don’t think that there’s something wrong with their daughter or son. I know a lot of people who got surrogates to carry their babies, yet they just post pictures of themselves pregnant.

Surrogacy is yet to be openly accepted here

That is the same thing we have argued about because some people still go to church and they claim God did it for them. Obviously I know that God is involved because without God science won’t be available, but some people keep saying it was because their pastor prayed fervently that they gave birth to triplets. We all know that triplets are mostly from IVF. And the problem of not being open is that people end up feeling like God neglected them. Meanwhile, this person has probably done IVF and she is not saying what she did, only says that the pastor was amazing and now she is pregnant. Don’t get me wrong, I know it happens, but the truth is that there are other things involved.

Will you be discussing your IVF experience on your podcast?

I will definitely have an episode on getting pregnant and people blaming women all the time. I have a lot of women who send me messages on Instagram about this and I talk to them. Then a couple of months later they tell me that they are pregnant and I think that’s the most rewarding thing I have done till date. And it’s so crazy because a lot of women are just covering up for their husbands. In this part of the world, you can’t really share everything. A lot of women say they have suffered in the hands of their in-laws because they can’t say the problem is from their son. So they just blame the woman.

Are you going to try IVF again?

Yes. I have an ‘adult’ now in the house because my daughter, even though she is two years-old, is now so independent.

How was your pregnancy experience?

I kept my pregnancy out of the public eye because I didn’t know what to expect and you know the media is generally not kind with words. I didn’t want a case where I would be pregnant and people are stressing me by writing things in the news or on social media. I didn’t want anything like that. For example, maybe they saw my husband in a restaurant and then post that he was with some lady and you’re pregnant and don’t want to be reading such things. It can turn into something else and then the comments will start. I can handle that when I am not pregnant, but I can’t handle it during pregnancy because one’s hormones react to things a lot. Anything can just trigger you. I felt like I wasn’t going to go through that kind of thing. So, I just stayed off social media.

Most people don’t believe that you are Yoruba

My mum is from Abeokuta in Ogun State and my dad is from Badagry, Lagos.

What was growing up like for you?

It was good. I have a brother who lives in the United Kingdom and works at the London Stock Exchange. My growing up years is very nostalgic. I grew up in London, but our home was a typical Nigerian home. I used to listen to music by Salawa Abeni, Lagbaja, Haruna Ishola, Kwam1 and Sunny Ade. I think when you have an accent people just believe that maybe you don’t listen to those kinds of songs. And I used to attend a lot of owambe parties in London. When I was in the university, I would come to Nigeria on holidays. At one time I stayed for almost a year. It was on one of such occasions that I met my husband.

Why did you eventually move to Nigeria?

Although Nigeria lacks a lot of structures, there is something about it that allows you to be independent. You know in the UK, there are safety nets and structures put in place to make life easy. You go to work and come home. Everything is available. There is electricity and water, but the thing is that when you’re an ambitious person you have to also be around ambitious people and I felt like there are so many ambitious people in Nigeria, especially in Lagos. When I moved back, I really hustled, even though my own suffering was the ‘ajebutter’ type. My mom gave me money whenever money finished in my account. I was living in a two-bedroom flat in Lekki. Before then, I lived in Ebute Metta and Maryland. All of a sudden my mom cut me off because I was always going to eat at ‘The Palms’ shopping mall. She told me to go find a job. So I started managing my money like in the morning I would buy ‘puff puff’, then in the afternoon I would buy indomie noodles and then I would watch Africa Magic Yoruba all day with the house maid. And then I would create a proposal and concept about shows. I feel things were better than now, because now, everybody was just trying to make it and there weren’t Instagram people who were showing off.

That was when the middle class was coming up

Yeah, everyone was hustling then. Everyone was trying to become what they have always dreamt about. I used to go to places like Oriental Hotel, GET Arena, and people like Wizkid would be playing and then Davido came to Cool FM. I was actually the first to interview him because at that time everybody said he was arrogant. I don’t really think he remembers the interview. That time was such a beautiful time to be in the entertainment industry. Now it’s so much harder to really make friends because everyone is just trying to see what they can get from you. In those days, people were more genuine. We have set a pace, no doubt, which is great because the people coming behind are really doing well.

I don’t think the younger generation is willing to make that kind of sacrifice

No they don’t. They’re not really paying their dues. In time, that will come to bite them later because they don’t have respect for the position that they occupy because they got it easily, compared to what we did. It’s like when you make money easily, you don’t really respect that kind of money since you didn’t suffer to make that money. A lot of young people now are just about fame, they’re not really about the profession. They see journalism or being a presenter as an avenue for them to be famous. They don’t even care about the profession. They do not understand that broadcasting isn’t just about having a cute face or being able to speak well. These days, brands just see this popular person and decide to use them. It doesn’t work like that. Shows like Big Brother are endorsing all kinds of people. I mean it is a great platform for them, but it’s not reality because a lot of impression comes with fame that people don’t talk about, especially overnight success. The thing is you can be up today and down tomorrow and then the pressure of not having your privacy anymore.

If you were not involved in the entertainment industry and media, what other profession would you have been comfortable with?

I have no clue. Maybe law. I studied Media and Communication. I have always known what I wanted to do.

How is married life?

My marriage is really in a good place. There is so much bad news, when it comes to marriage and the thing about marriage is that it is always going to have its high and low moments. I know people change, but I think that from the beginning when you know the kind of person you are married to and you know their bad and extreme parts, I don’t think you will be really shocked by anything they do. Somebody said something about love; that people are really lucky in marriage to actually be in love. I was like does that mean not everyone in marriage is in love? Because you’re in love with your partner doesn’t mean it is like that with everybody. I just can’t imagine being in a relationship with someone I am not in love with. Some people are just lucky to be in love. Some people say love is not enough to sustain your marriage. I think the best keys to a lasting marriage are love, friendship, respect and patience.

Your husband is 50 and you are 32. Did you ever imagine you would be attracted to a much older man, let alone marry him?

No, I never imagined that I would get married to an older man. I have never dated anybody that was five years older than me. I didn’t know he was that old because he didn’t look that old to me. So I didn’t actually know until later when it was too late. I didn’t marry him because of anything but his personality. I don’t really see the age difference because he acts like he is my age and doesn’t treat me like a much younger person. He has friends in different age groups. The day he turned 50 I said I was going to ask his mom if she was sure that he’s really 50. It doesn’t make sense because this man doesn’t behave like a 50-year-old.

Why did you decide on a destination wedding and what was the significance of having it in Greece?

Well my name is a Greek name. I just wanted somewhere that my people from the UK can get to easily. So I thought where is it that Nigerians can’t get to easily and that was how we settled for Greece. Our plan backfired because the people I wanted to come couldn’t make it because they couldn’t get visa. And I wanted a small wedding and I had like 70 people, which was kind of too much for a destination wedding. Mykonos is a beautiful island, even though there’s the Greek mafia and all of that. When you talk about Greece, people feel it’s exotic and that was why we chose the country. It was actually going to be held in South Africa, but because we wanted a small wedding, we had to do it in Greece.

What is it about your growing up years that has shaped you to be who you are today?

I will say being exposed to different people. While in London I grew up in a multicultural setting with different types of people who had different upbringing and opinions. That was what taught me not to be judgmental. I think that allowed me to be open-minded and also to be able to express myself. It also taught me to be resilient because my mom works very hard. She did a lot, like shuttling between three jobs, and she inspired me to really hustle and work hard. I feel one really needs to pay her dues and work hard. Everything used to be based on merit. Although that is changing now, I still believe that one should work hard. Sometimes you’re given a job just because you’re popular on Instagram. Everything isn’t based on talents anymore, unlike he past.

Most actresses are now into movie production. Are you thinking along that line in the near future?

Yeah, I am actually working on a documentary centred around the Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS), a hormonal disorder common among women of reproductive age. Women with PCOS may have infrequent or prolonged menstrual periods or excess male hormone (androgen) levels. This syndrome affects about one in 10 women in the world and it is one of the major causes of infertility, but people don’t talk about it. And I have a studio where I will be producing it with my all female team. We will be producing documentaries and hopefully, films and TV shows.

A few months ago, the Olowu of Owu Kingdom Oba Adesanya Olugboyega Dosunmu bestowed on you and your husband the chieftaincy titles of Akinruiyiwa and Yèyé Akinruiyiwa of Owu kingdom. What is the significance of the titles?

My husband’s title means ‘Warrior that brought dignity home’. So by default, I got the title as well. I believe that my husband is very deserving of this. He has definitely brought dignity to his hometown. He has gone through so many challenges and adversities and overcame them and continued to also recognise the people in his hometown by helping, through our foundation, to make life easier for them. My family is grateful for being honoured with these titles.

Why were you both singled out for the titles?

Because the King saw what my husband has done for Owu Kingdom as well as in communities around Abeokuta through his initiatives. Everyone is very proud of him, including former President Olusegun Obasanjo, who is not only an Owu indigene but was also physically present when we were conferred with the chieftaincy titles.

How do you plan to impact humanity with your titles?

As a couple, we have always been about charitable deeds and helping the people around us. Through the Olumide Stephanie Aderinokun Foundation, we have been impacting women and children and making donations to schools, built boreholes in communities, etc. We have supplied electricity to communities that do not have any source of light. We plan on doing so many other things, but I personally have been using my platform to help and I am planning a project that will be beneficial to the Owu Kingdom, Abeokuta and Lagos State. This will revolve around children and fashion.